FOUND TAPE. TRANSCRIBED TAPE.
B: What is your favorite texture?
H: My favorite texture is an extra shiny see-through sheen.
B: Okay, so, how many times do you need to be reminded of forty ounces before you know that forty ounces is forty ounces?
H: The only time I need to be reminded about forty ounces is when I’m getting some Hot Cheetos and I remember the eighty ounces is.. is ten times?
K: Are you recording?
B: I’m recording a very important tape… This is the sound of someone crunching Hot Cheetos. Jalapeno. Hot Cheetos. Jalapeno. AD 2012. Ten. Twenty twelve. Hot Cheetos.
H: One, two, three, four, five, six, six six.
H: holy shit.
B: Hanne is radiating fertility.
AUGUST 26TH 2010
H: Today we have a very special guest with us, a certain Elizabeth Megan Hole. This is a very special experience. This woman has never been interviewed before. ELIZABETH MEGAN HOLE? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? WHAT ARE YOU FEELING THIS VERY SECOND? Go!
B: Right now I wish I could cover a toddler in caramel. Like apple candy. The end.
H: If you were to have a little girl right now, what would you name her?
B: Sixty nine. Sixty nine. Sixty nine point seven.
H: The news is that we are going to be dead soon and the world will end, how do you feel about twenty twelve?
B: Uhm.. I don’t know, honestly.. I think we, uh will uh, all combine back into the spirits we were at one point, like uhhhh.. (INAUDIBLE) jesus church and the latter day saints.
H: How do you feel about Sergio? Sergio had a theory that the people show conformed would become dead but everybody who believed freely would become one and that the world would not end but it would change. How do you feel about Sergio’s theory?
B: It makes me think of (BACKGROUND NOISE) it makes me think of Oscar Grant and how his life would have been if he lived in Europe.
H: Oscar Grant did grow up in SAN FRAN-CIS-CO CAL-IF-ORN-NIA.What if he lived in Oakland? WHAT IF OSCAR GRANT LIVED IN OAKLAND? Do you think his life could have been alternated?
B: I think if Oscar Grant had spent his nubile days in Oakland.
B: I see it really as, uh, it’s a lot like, uh..
H: New question. Today there has been news of an android acwoss. Acwoss? (LAUGHTER)
H: There has been nude ..
H: There has been nude? There has been news of an android running acwoss the Bermooda Triangle screaming at the top of it’s lungs. Do you think this android has anything against us humanoids?
B: 1000% I think that it’s android screams are..
(LOUD BACKGROUND MUSIC)
B: Absolutely, I think if you look at it and dissect the noise’s, and uh, it’s um, something that goes way, way back to the Cretaceous Period. It’s a problem of, uh, there’s certain noises that Homo sapiens respond to and one of them is definitely the ‘Android Cry’ which is something that J.P.L. (Jet Propulsion Laboratories) nick-named it, it’s not my name for it. But it’s actually a huge problem with Earth’s colonies on Mars.
H: But the scientists have definitely called evolution incorrect. If evolution is incorrect then uh, is it correct that asteroids entirely made us? Completely made us?! Completely designed us?!
B: No, no, no… This is retarded. This is where the scientists fucked up is they didn’t read the mother fucking Bible. The fucking Bible. I mean there is silverware and there is science. It’s the same shit.
H: Twist. Twist. Twist. Twist. Twist. Twist. Twist.
B: Was I saying words right now?
D: GOO GOO. OH, I can only crawl.
H: Where is my forty? I think that’s my forty.
K: GRINDCORE. I WANT GRINDCORE AND I WANT GRINDCORE.
B: I’m really just trying to do my job right now.
H: Welllllll… My forty is gone.
D: They’re three thousand forties in this house.
B: I don’t want to take your forty.
H: If you lived in a world of forties?
D: A FOURTY TREE
B: IF I LIVED IN A WORLD OF FORTY FORTIES, EIGHTY FORTIES, A HUNDRED AND TWENTY FORTIES, A HUNDRED AND SIXTY FORTIES. Hanne, uh where is my forty? Can somebody find my forty?